The Power of No: Protecting Your Family While Leading a School
As school leaders, we’re often viewed as superheroes, expected to be perpetually on call and ready to handle any challenge, no matter how big or small, at a moment's notice. I vividly remember experiencing that intense pressure throughout my years as an administrator. My phone seemed like a permanent extension of my hand, and the boundary between my professional duties and personal life became so blurred that it was nearly impossible to distinguish one from the other. However, with time and experience, I came to understand a difficult yet essential truth: it is perfectly acceptable—and even necessary—to say no. Prioritizing and protecting your family life is not a sign of weakness or lack of commitment; rather, it is a vital component for maintaining long-term well-being and sustaining effective, impactful leadership.
The Myth of Always Being On
One of the biggest challenges I noticed was the culture of overwork that can exist in education. We love what we do, and we're passionate about our students and staff. This passion can make it incredibly difficult to set boundaries. We answer emails at midnight, we attend every single school event, and we take on new responsibilities without ever considering if we have the bandwidth. I’ve been there, feeling the guilt of leaving a school function early or not responding to a parent's late-night email right away. But what I realized is that this constant availability isn't sustainable. It leads to burnout, resentment, and, most importantly, it takes precious time away from the people who need us most: our families.
I once heard a veteran principal say, "You can't pour from an empty cup." This simple quote resonated with me deeply. If we're constantly giving every last drop of our energy to our jobs, there's nothing left for our partners, our children, or ourselves. Our families deserve our presence, not just our physical body. They deserve our full attention, our laughter, and our time.
Practical Ways to Set Boundaries
Saying "no" is easier said than done, especially when you feel like you're letting people down. But it's a muscle you can train, and it starts with small, intentional steps. One of the most effective strategies is to schedule your "off" time. I learned to block out time on my calendar for family dinners, my child's soccer game, or a simple walk. I treated these appointments with the same importance as I would a staff meeting, and it helped me mentally commit to being present. This conscious effort to carve out personal time is crucial. Research has consistently shown that school principals, on average, work long hours—a 2017 study cited by the National Center for Education Statistics found that principals work an average of 59 hours per week. This relentless pace can easily lead to burnout, so intentionally scheduling personal time is a vital self-care practice. It's a way of proactively saying "yes" to your well-being.
Another key strategy is to establish clear communication norms with your staff and community. Be transparent about when you are and are not available. Let them know that you check emails at specific times in the evening and that for truly urgent matters, they should call a specific number. This sets clear expectations from the start and reduces the pressure to be constantly connected. You can also empower your team by learning to delegate with trust. As a former administrator, I learned that I didn't have to be the one to do everything. By empowering my assistant principals, department heads, or other staff members to handle certain responsibilities, I not only lightened my own load but also helped them grow as leaders, which is a win-win for everyone. According to a study in Educational Administration Quarterly, effective delegation is a hallmark of successful school leaders, fostering a sense of ownership and increasing overall organizational capacity (Mitra et al. 2021). This practice not only provides you with some much-needed breathing room but also cultivates a more engaged and empowered team.
Finally, you have to practice saying "no." Start with small things. Instead of saying yes to every committee, politely decline one or two. You can use a gentle, firm phrase like, "That's a great initiative, but my plate is full right now. I'd be happy to support it in another way or connect you with someone who might have more time." One of the biggest challenges I noticed was the emotional toll of always being "on." We must remember that our families are our greatest support system. When we neglect them, we lose that crucial foundation. Saying "no" to an extra work commitment means saying "yes" to a bedtime story, a date night, or simply being present. It’s a choice that not only benefits you but also models a healthy work-life balance for your entire school community.
Works Cited
Mitra, Dana, et al. "Role of Leadership in Fostering Teacher Collaboration and School Improvement." Educational Administration Quarterly, vol. 57, no. 1, 2021, pp. 28-59.
National Center for Education Statistics. "Characteristics of Public and Private School Principals." Digest of Education Statistics, 2017.
