Developing Empathy in Children and Students
Empathy Series – Part 2: How to Develop Empathy
If we want to raise children who truly care about others—who can look beyond themselves and consider another person’s perspective—it starts with intentionally developing empathy. While empathy might seem like something we either have or don’t, research shows it’s a skill that can be taught, modeled, and strengthened over time.
Surprisingly, the first step in helping children develop empathy isn’t focused on others at all—it begins with understanding themselves.
The Foundation: Self-Awareness
According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence—and without emotional intelligence, empathy can't take root. Children must first be able to recognize and understand their own emotions before they can begin to connect with the emotions of others.
Michelle Borba, author of Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, echoes this idea. She argues that developing a strong moral identity is crucial for nurturing empathy. “We generally behave in ways consistent with our self-image,” she writes. “So if we want our kids to be empathetic, they must see themselves as caring and learn to value the thoughts and feelings of others.”
In today’s fast-paced, screen-saturated world, building self-awareness and moral identity is increasingly difficult. When Unselfie was released in 2016, Borba reported that 75% of children under age 8 had access to a smart device—and that number has only grown. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children aged 8–12 now spend 4–6 hours per day using screens; teens spend up to 9 hours daily. This overexposure is linked to poor body image, risky behavior, cyberbullying, and emotional disconnection—all of which hinder empathy.
What Is Self-Awareness for Kids?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize, understand, and label one’s own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It helps children:
Build confidence
Explore their identity
Make values-based decisions
Strengthen relationships
How to Cultivate Self-Awareness in Children
Encourage emotional expression: Help children name their emotions and express them in healthy ways.
Facilitate reflection: Ask thoughtful questions that guide kids to consider how their actions affect others.
Promote mindfulness: Use breathing exercises, body scans, or observation activities to increase emotional awareness.
Model self-awareness: Share your own emotions and how you navigate them.
Reinforce values: Connect classroom expectations to character traits (kindness, responsibility, respect), not just rules.
Pro Tips for Educators: Practical Ways to Foster Empathy in the Classroom
Here are actionable strategies educators can use to build a classroom culture of empathy, self-awareness, and moral growth:
✅ Use Nouns Over Verbs When Praising
Instead of: “That was kind.”
Try: “You are a kind person.”
This builds empathy into a student’s identity—not just a one-time behavior.
✅ Align Praise with Character and Correction with Behavior
Align praise with character traits and corrections with specific behaviors—this supports moral identity development.
Praise: “You showed responsibility by turning in your work on time” or “You’re a responsible student.”
Correction: “Yelling doesn’t solve problems. Let’s talk about a better way to handle frustration.”
This reinforces that behavior can change while character remains a guiding compass.
✅ Incorporate “Feelings Check-Ins”
Start the day or class period with:
A mood meter
An emotion wheel
A “How are you feeling today?” chart
This helps normalize emotional expression and builds emotional vocabulary.
✅ Create a Class “Code of Values”
Co-create shared values like kindness, fairness, and respect.
Display them prominently and reference them during discussions or conflict resolution.
✅ Integrate Empathy-Focused Literature
Choose books and read-alouds that explore emotions and perspectives.
Ask questions like:
“What do you think the character was feeling?”
“Have you ever felt that way?”
“What would you do in their shoes?”
✅ Use Restorative Practices Over Punishment
When conflict arises, ask:
“Who was affected by what happened?”
“How can we make things right?”
This teaches empathy, accountability, and emotional repair.
✅ Model Empathy Daily
Students learn empathy best by observing it. Narrate your own emotions and coping strategies.
Example: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before we continue.”
✅ Encourage Perspective-Taking Activities
Try role plays, debates, or journaling prompts like:
“Imagine you’re a new student—how would you want to be welcomed?”
“Write a letter from someone who feels left out.”
✅ Celebrate Emotional Growth
Recognize moments of kindness, compassion, and emotional courage.
Start a “Kindness Wall” or “Student Shoutouts” to celebrate these moments alongside academic achievements.
Teaching Emotional Literacy: The Language of Empathy
Before children can empathize with others, they need vocabulary to understand emotions. Emotional literacy is the gateway to empathy—and it must be taught intentionally.
Ways to Teach Emotional Literacy:
Identify and Label Emotions
Use visuals like emotion charts or faces
Expand vocabulary beyond “happy” or “mad”
Model labeling emotions in real time: “I’m feeling a little anxious today.”
Relate Emotions to Situations
Use books or scenarios to ask, “How do you think they felt—and why?”
Pose “How would you feel if...?” questions to foster perspective-taking.
Use Play and Storytelling
Try emotion charades or matching games
Create short stories based on facial expressions or social scenes
Create a Safe Space for Expression
Encourage journaling, drawing, or class meetings to process emotions
Validate all feelings without judgment: “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s talk about it.”
Final Thoughts: A Path Worth Walking
Helping children develop empathy isn’t a one-time lesson—it’s a long-term investment in their emotional, social, and moral development. When we begin with self-awareness and emotional literacy, we equip students with the tools they need to connect, care, and contribute to a kinder world.
✨ Stay tuned for the next post in this series: How to Practice Empathy—where we’ll explore ways students can put empathy into action.
